Monday, November 29, 2010

My conversation with Shakira.

Obviously I don't really know Shakira, and we haven't fallen in love.... yet, and if I saw her on the street and tried to talk to her I would most likely get taken down by a security guard or maced. But heres my hypothetical conversation with the worlds sexiest lady.


Golden Dreams: The Story of the Chemically burned "Tea"

For the cops: Anything I ever say is not true, dont take anything to heart and also get a new job, fuck you. thanks for the bullshit cell phone tickets.

For the stoners: 
                           I dont normally sell Tea, there isnt much profit in it and where im from it is extremely abundant. I was telling my friend the other day that every one and their mother grows Tea in Northern California, but this oppurtunity was to good to pass up. My buddy hits me up and says that he had a pound of indoor Tea that got chemically burned in the final stages of it growing, because of this the tea instead of being green is a golden color,  and he is looking to get rid of it. So I do what any money hungry greedy fuck would do and I hit up this other guy I know "yo bro I got this fire indoor tea for sale its this new special strain called Golden Dream". He was all excited because of the good price on this special Tea. Without delving into details he purchased it all and I thought that was the last I would hear of this. But it wasnt.

Two days later I went to go hang out with that same guy I had sold it to and some girls, he lives in college dorms and as soon as I walked into the hallway the stench of burning tea was clearly there, and I walked by rooms and peeked in seeing people breaking up, none other, than golden dream. It was a hit, everyone was talking about it like it was the new cool thing to do. I walked into my friends room and there he was sitting there with a huge grin on his face, literally counting money.

This is not a story about me, or tea. This is a story about the modern day sucker. People will do anything as long as they know other people approve of it, and what that hallway approved of was Golden Dreams. chemically burnt, shitty, overpriced, probably unhealthy for them, Tea.


Friday, November 26, 2010

Getting pussy on cruises.

Floating Pussy Oasis':
                                      I have been on about seven cruises since I turned sixteen. One of which I went on with my Ex-Gf, the cruise I had the least amount of sex on was the one I went on with her. Needless to say I'm a firm believer in the effect a floating hotel has on the female phyche. Its a perfect combination: None of their friends around to label them as a "slut", A tropical paradise where cell phone service thus boyfriend nagging is completely eliminated, shit tons of alcohol and last but not least, International Waters.

 I could share with you all kinds of stories from my endeavors on the high seas but I would be waisting my time, fore they would pale in comparison to the story of Danielle. I am almost at a loss of words right now to even Begin how to describe this girls sluttiness. But I will attempt to. Me and My buddy had been hanging out with these four brothers for the past three days on the ship, chasing tail with them and getting drunk. We'll call them the Prince brothers. Me and my friend approached them at a table on the back of the boat at around 12 am and they had a new guest with them, a shy but sexy girl hunkered down underneath a hooded sweatshirt, Danielle. We sat down and began talking to them, when all of the sudden out of nowhere this bitch blurts out "I'm a down ass bitch". We all paused and looked at her with an expression of "WTF?" mixed with "OK its on". For the next hour this girl followed us around the ship to the different clubs and bars while we get drunk and come 1 am we are all drunk in the food court. "We should all go back to my room and drink" I exclaimed. Everyone but my buddy Jason agreed, but he will come into play again soon in the night.

So we get back to my room and we all take a shot of tequila, its Mexico, why not? Its Me, All four of the Prince brothers and Danielle. This is when I began to figure out how much of damaged goods this girl truly was, the scars on her wrist were like tiny little scratches of hope to us 5, we were in hunt mode. After she starts showing her titties off I break out the video camera, and imagine if you put a great white in a swimming pool and poured in a gallon of fresh blood, its like that. This bitch starts getting completely wild, possibly trying to prove that she is, in fact, a "down ass bitch" Danielle starts pulling her skirt up and showing us her pussy, The prince brothers, being black started using their urban phrases that involved words like "mama" and "shorty" I just sat back and filmed, occasionally throwing in a few motivational words for our newly wounded prey. Its not long before its a full on creep fest, Ill be honest even I was a bit unsure at this point everyone is fighting for their turns to finger this bitch and she is completely into it, even showing off for the camera with some porno type moans.

 After a while its about three AM and there are about six, yes six, horny men in one room (Jason had given up on looking for his own pussy and joined us)... and one Danielle. So this is when what will now be referred to as The Line Up begins. We somehow convince this broad to give us all head, we state that its only fair since she got to cum already..... she agrees. We all position ourselves in different parts of the room and like she was born to do it she goes around one by one sucking each of us off until completion, we leave the room one by one after we cum in this whores mouth..... until she gets To Jason, end of the line. All in all the bitch sucked SIX cocks in less than an hour and swallowed each load, truly the biggest slut I have met to date. For the next four days she was ours, we fucked her whenever we wanted to, and at one point when she was through giving me head some of my man juice got in her hair and she literally ate it out of her hair. I love Danielle, and that's her story.

Extremely needless to say is Cruise ships are my number one method of transportation, no matter where your going or what port you are leaving from you can bank on an abundance of slutty drunk girls looking for a fun week away from their shitty reality's... and although it may be a bad way of looking at it, you need to exploit their weakness and provide that week away for these whores, or you will be stuck with just another normal cruise filled with shitty shows and expensive boring excursions.

Good luck Cruisers, and remember to exploit those weaknesses!


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My stance on the TSA screening.

What would you rather do?
Get a thorough screening at security.
Fly into a steel reinforced building at 700 MPH. free polls

It's as simple as that, I mean I can see where your coming from if your a hot chick and the screener is finger banging you up your skirt, but lets get real. look at most of you fucks. Seeing your fat flabby bodies naked is much worse then what your going through, so when you decline that and make them feel up on all that said flab.....Fuck you! Your like the ugly girl at the party that "swears" she was raped, No, bitch....... No one wants to touch you.


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Pussy Slap™ (Strong Warning)

The Pussy Slap:

       So for my first actual update I figured I'd fill you in on my day yesterday, It was just a normal Monday, or so I thought. I bought and sold an iPhone for 50 dollar profit so I bought Fallout 3: New Vegas, which I highly recommend. I played that until I got a call from a girl, we'll call her Sarah. Sarah wanted to come over and watch a movie.

       So I contemplated... should I say fuck that I don't wanna have to shower and stuff I'll just keep logging some hours on my new game, I was already Having a really lazy day. Or should I let her come over, get ready, deal with some awkward bullshit for a few hours, and watch some corny movie all in the hopes of getting a little tail. I chose the tail. So Sarah Comes over and this had been the first time I hung out with her since I met her at a party about a month ago, Its awkward, I'm trying to find a movie that fits the situation and it was like god hand delivered me a gift when I saw that 40 days and 40 nights was On demand.

          I can't stress enough how perfect this movie is if your watching it with a new girl and trying to get some pussy, its literally perfect. It's got sex, comedy and Josh Hartnett will have her thinking about riding dick the whole 90 minutes. Anyways, We watch the movie and it ends. I turn off the TV and we are sitting there, clearly she wants some due to the fact that after 10 minutes of talking she shows no signs of wanting to leave, so I do what any pussy loving man would do in this situation, I demand a massage for a birthday present (which was over a month ago).

           I don't really need to tell you the details of how we got into it, but we definitely got into it. One thing led to another and we were on my bed and this bitch for some reason felt the need to bite my abs, from which I still have teeth marks. So I stress that this girl was a certified freak, I started sucking on her nipples and playing with her pussy and she was getting really into it, I started fingering her pretty hard and it was only time before I pulled off what I have only envisioned in my dreams..... The Pussy Slap! ™ . I pulled my fingers out of her and open handed slapped it... not once, not twice, but three times. I think that after this she was stunned, she paused for a second before transforming into super freak mode. And the rest is history.

       I know The Pussy Slap!™  is not a groundbreaking discovery, dikes have been routinely using it for years. But what I ask of you fellow internetians is to give it a try (but remember to give credit to who told you to) next time your layed up with a freak. But beware, The Pussy Slap!™  isn't for everyone. Try it with the wrong girl and you'll be sure to be pleasing yourself that night. Good luck and may The Pussy Slap!™  gods be on your side.

Quote Of The Day:
                                 If you aren't pulling off The Pussy Slap!™ then you aren't on my fucking level.



         Welcome. At first I thought an introductory blog post would be really lame, but then I did what I do whenever I'm in the need of an answer....I Googled. and Google told me and introductory post is standard, and since what google says goes..... welcome.
You don’t get to know my name, I'll simply go by TD. Mysterious, right? WRONG! I simply don’t want any of the following to know how fucked up my life is: My parents <3, My Ex-GF (Booooo!) or anyone else for that matter. You see I’m not your average 21 year old college drop out. I’ve been through a lot. A lot of what will from now on be referred to as PMP (Pussy, Money and Pain). Not necessarily grouped together (although it is sometimes, black hookers get the best of me, but who are you to judge?) And I feel like I make every attempt that I can to live my life how I see fit, Ill probably look back at it in 15 years and laugh at how foolish I was......If I make it.

How about some bullet points about me:
  • I was with my GF (CUNT) For three years before she cheated on me, it tore me up.
  • I dropped out of college six months ago and have been on a drinking and fucking spree since
  • I mostly associate with drug dealers, wannabe drug dealers, and loose women.
  • I sometimes am extremely happy because I live the life I once dreamed about
  • I sometimes cry because I feel like a runaway train with no breaks
  • I fancy myself a philosopher of sorts....mostly just when I'm high
  • Like I said before every since I broke up with my ex I haven't given a fuck about one girls feelings, I've been on a high priority pussy fucking mission, and due to the requirments of it I've lost the chances with some really beautiful and special girls.
  • FML
  • A lot of people say they don't care what people think, but to be honest I do.
  • I am the only child to very wealthy parents.
  • How could I forget? I'm from Northern California, I have been all over the World but this place is still my favorite.
  • I've been diagnosed with depression and ADD but stopped going before they could Treat (sedate) me.
  • I'm Sure you will learn more about me as this blog progresses and I promise to keep you entertained, and not every post will be this much of a downer, so smile :)
My Quote OF The Day:
                                         The world is filled with good and evil, and the beautiful part of life is that you dont have to pick a side.
                                                                 - TD